As the seventh generation of consoles nears its’ mud dive, we feel the need for yet another round up, as part of our send off. This time, we will provide six examples of the most regrettably titled games of the past seven or eight years. Again, we will avoid the more obscure titles, because otherwise, the list would be endless, with stuff like Touch Dic and Sticky Balls (we fucking wish we were joking).
These are the rather well known games that have or will come out on some of the major consoles. This way, we can all appreciate just how little gaming has advanced, in that department, over the last few decades.
We’re sure that we are missing some but that’s what you’re here for. Let us know what else should be on this list:
So, dig this, dudes: Stoked is a spiritual successor to Amped, of sorts. It also carries about the least descriptive fucking name ever, and not. On the one hand, you just know that it has something to do with snowboarding. After all, it’s a sport where white kids, clad in colorful baggy attire straight out of an acidic rave-out, perform radically extreme shit, as part of the act. But on the other hand, not only is the title of the game a fucking adjective, but unlike “Amped”, it doesn’t even hint at the experience. It simply states that someone, somewhere is stoked. Okay…
Notice also how the cover art capitalizes ‘E’, for some reason, and none of us, at AlienLion, can figure out what that reason could possibly be. Logically, it’s supposed to combine two words, like the pharmaceutical companies do when naming their products, resulting in things like BuggeRemove or RectuMoist (ew). InFamous did it and it made sense because there are two words there but what the hell is Stok and Ed? If any of our readers know, we’d love to, too. For now, we will just consider it retarded.
5. Infinite Undiscovery
First of all, I’m pretty sure that “undiscovery” is not even a real word. Right now, it’s pissing off my spell-check, and Google insists that I really mean “undiscovered” (and it usually knows better). I will just guess that it’s supposed to be the opposite of “discovery”, which already has one prefix, dis, which indicates negation or reversal. So, un-dis-covery here is the opposite of the opposite, which is too complicated not to be fiercely dumb.
The director of the game had this to say about the title: “One of the main things of the game are the things that are hidden in it and that you come to uncover as you go through. So, it’s kind of a play on words that way.” In other words, not a single living soul is certain what the hell Infinite Undiscovery is supposed to mean. It’s simply a couple of words and letters thrown together by someone who doesn’t speak English. But hey, at least they have an excuse…
4. Peter Jackson’s King Kong The official Game of the Movie
This is a surprisingly good game, which is bizarre, considering everything that it has going against it. Not only is it a movie based game (as you know, those are usually shit), but it’s also released by someone who thought it was a good idea to include that little piece of information in the title. The whole thing just doesn’t seem like the makers had actual gamers in mind; one would rather expect to find it bundled with the movie, or covered in salt, inside a Burger King meal bag. And it’s not just the box either; that entire fucking paragraph is the actual title of the game that appears right on the title screen.
What’s interesting is that the movie isn’t even called Peter Jackson’s King Kong; it’s just King Kong. So, I mean, what the fuck? They could have shortened the title by about a third, if they left that completely unneeded part out. How many fucking King Kong games came out in 2005 (or since) to necessitate this clarification?
3. Just Cause
The first game did release on the previous generation consoles but it also came out on 360 so it qualifies. It also sports a pretty unfortunate title. Now, to be fair, “just cause” could be interpreted as “the right motivation (or reason)” but all Eidos or Avalanche Studios (whoever did the naming) had to do to alleviate confusion was to include an article. Of course, the real reason the title is not A Just Cause or The Just Cause is that it’s also meant to wink and hint at “just because”, making it one of the silliest titles out there. I mean, it’s not like this is a movie with Sean Connery, or something that let’s us know that no fucking around is implied.
Just Cause, the game, deals with a dude who likes back-flipping out of planes, cartwheeling through traffic and acting like an overall jackass. The first thing that comes to mind is what in the world would possess someone to do all that shit. Well, the game’s title lets us know: just ’cause. Doesn’t particularly imply an amazing story, does it?
2. Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance
Did you know that “revengeance” is a real word? Neither did any of us. According to the Internet, it means “vengeance, revenge.” So, considering that nobody has ever used “revengeance” to mean what it supposedly means, since the birth of the English language, why the fuck not simply use “vengeance” or “revenge”? I’ll tell you why. It’s because Kojima Productions thought that they were making up a new word, being extremely clever, kind of like whoever thought up “undiscovery”.
According to Kojima: ““Revengeance” comes from Kojima Productions’ desire to get revenge or vengeance on the original failed Metal Gear Solid: Rising project…The “Re” part of the title represents a “rebirth” of sorts for the project—a second chance.” So… apparently, the real intent for this title actually makes the whole thing worse than everyone thought.
1. F.3.A.R., Left 4 Dead, etc.
Why? Seriously, just… why? Substituting numbers for letters and words is never clever and is a pain in the ass to type. It’s like a visual pun that has absolutely no reason to exist.
I can sort of understand it in the case of something like Left 4 Dead because the game features four survivors, but most of the time, it’s just done because it can be (not like Left 4 Dead is not horrible in its’ own right). Really. If game developers simply want to let us know that their game is a sequel, then would it not be easier for everybody to simply add the number at the end?
If these people had their way, we’d have Wayne’2 World (I’m old) and The Matr1x, which would actually make some sense, considering that whole Neo bit (get it?) but even that would be pretty irritating. So, please, stop. It’s not ingenious or cool. We’re not texting for fucks sakes; there is no need for damn cryptic spelling. Are we wrong? Let us know below.