In his very first article for AlienLion, KingHorseFondler69 provides a perspective on the subject of sexism in games like Dead or Alive, in form of a fake interview that challenges the argument on several points. He is a first-time contributor, so please, do give us your (constructive) feedback and enjoy!
Like many people, I spent the final nights before International Mayan Apocalypse Day, studying footage of the Dead or Alive girls on YouTube. And as I carefully analyzed said footage, a thought came to mind and wouldn’t go away; it was: “I’m not sure what it is, but I just can’t help but feel that there’s something sexist about these games.”
At the end of 2012, I wasn’t exactly an expert on this subject, sexism. But now, in 2013, after many nights of studying YouTube commentary, I am definitely an expert. And I have concluded that the Dead or Alive series is indeed as sexist as (must think of brilliant simile!) your mom.
Now, before you complain about my amazing conclusion, please keep reading, because I managed to secure an imaginary interview with Tecmo’s Lead Attorney of Legal Stuff, Mr. Bukkake Sushimi Pikachu; you see, I wanted to give his corporation a chance to not actually defend itself.
Here is our conversation transcribed:
KingHorseFondler69: Konichiwa, Bukkake-san. Again, thank you so much for taking time for this interview.
LordTentacleRape: It is an honor to speak with the great horse fondler.
KingHorseFondler69: Well, let’s get to it. My staff at Stage Zero and I are concerned about the sexism in your games.
KingHorseFondler69: ….Yes! We have carefully analyzed your fighting games and a couple of your volleyball/mini-games games, and we’ve found many subtle but real examples of sexism in your products.
LordTentacleRape: This is a very serious charge you are making, mister fondler. What evidence do you have to support it?
KingHorseFondler69: Lots. For example, did you know that even your first entry in the series — the fighting game Dead or Alive from the late 90s — did you notice that even that game had massive breasts on its female characters, and that even those breasts bounced independently?
LordTentacleRape: Why yes!
KingHorseFondler69: And…so…what do you have to say about that?
LordTentacleRape: Well they were quite good. Our programmers are very talented, dedicated employees.
KingHorseFondler69: Don’t you see the sexism in the giant breasts flopping around in your fighting games?
LordTentacleRape: What is sexist about boobies?
LordTentacleRape: I mean: what is sexist about having the beautiful boobies of our female characters bounce around like super happy fun time squeezy milk jugs? Are you saying that women in entertainment who have grand tetons are inherently sexist?
LordTentacleRape: Are you propounding that women on the street with amazing gazoombas are committing sexism, just because their volcanos go up and down, up and down, bouncy bouncy bouncy?
KingHorseFondler69: No, of course not!
LordTentacleRape: Then there is nothing sexist about our women’s chests. You are mistaken.
KingHorseFondler69: Well, okay then. Fine. But then what do you say about all your female characters having stereotypically cute faces, voluptuous bodies, and revealing outfits? You have them like this and fighting each other; your games are just a bunch of sexy catfights!
LordTentacleRape: Most fighting games feature sexy girl characters fighting each other, and there is nothing sexist about this. Have you seen young, big-bosomed ladies fighting each other, with foot and fist, in the real world?
KingHorseFondler69: No. I have seen smaller-breasted women do that though.
LordTentacleRape: And were they being sexist by fighting each other?
KingHorseFondler69: Well, they did call each other very demeaning things.
LordTentacleRape: Were they being feminist by fighting each other with small garbonzos?
KingHorseFondler69: No, I guess not.
LordTentacleRape: By the way horsefondler, you seem to have failed to notice that our fighting games feature many male characters, and we have balanced our games so that our female characters have about a fifty percent chance of defeating any other of their opponents in battle.
LordTentacleRape: This means that our games are actually empowering to women.
KingHorseFondler69: You’re kidding.
LordTentacleRape: No, I am not.
KingHorseFondler69: Okay, I’ll assume the Dead or Alive fighting games are balanced. But why aren’t there physically strong-looking women in the games? You didn’t answer that. Where are the mildly attractive women?
LordTentacleRape: We concluded that our fanbase preferred to see beautiful, non-muscular women instead of other types.
KingHorseFondler69: You see?! There it is! Sexism! You’re saying that the voluptuous women, who are in no physical shape to be seen fighting in epic ninja wrestling whatever tournaments, are the “beautiful” ones.
LordTentacleRape: This is a common trope. When we say “beautiful” we are in this context referring to “sexy.” And so you know – because you really do not seem to – it is not as if we at Tecmo are ignorant of other beauty in women. For example, our African American character Lisa Hamilton is not just a wrestler, but also a scientist. This means she has a PhD and is very smart.
Do you not agree, sir, that a physically super sexually attractive, intelligent, erudite woman is even more beautiful – both sexually and in the other way – than a merely super sexually attractive dumb woman?
LordTentacleRape: And what if she is also a very nice person? She is bright, has an amazing body, and is very nice to people and animals.
KingHorseFondler69: …Yeah. I guess. Sounds like a dream lady. I’ve met some girls like that. I mean people. I mean, yeah, pretty hot. Amazing I mean.
LordTentacleRape: By the way, we at Tecmo are very proud of our African American character. We are so proud of her that we nicknamed her “La Mariposa,” which is Spanish for “nobel-prize winner.”
KingHorseFondler69: I thought “mariposa” meant “butterfly.”
LordTentacleRape: It also means “butterfly.” Butterflies are beautiful.
KingHorseFondler69: Let’s get back to the main subject; I think I’ve caught you guys on something; you — and your company for many years, by the way — have been making it sound like women with a certain type of face and a large cleavage and butt are the most physically, sexually attractive women! You know, some of the hottest women don’t have those characteristics.
LordTentacleRape: We at Tecmo do not claim that the young and large-but-not-Brobdingnagian T & A standard burns true for all those attracted to female humans, but our market research shows that this is what most of our audience finds most attractive. Our fans even even asked us to make the hooters bigger in Dead or Alive 5, when they saw we had made them smaller in the demo packed with Ninja Gaiden 3. I suspect you already know this; it was reported in your games press.
My point is, at Tecmo we design according to what we think our players want.
LordTentacleRape: Are we finished?
KingHorseFondler69: No! You have one more thing to answer. What defense do you have of the game Dead or Alive Xtreme Beach Volleyball? Or even better — what do you have to say about its sequel? Dead or Alive Xtreme 2? Those games were not just not fun to play but also a blatant excuse to watch naked women bend over and pole dance and spread their legs and stuff.
LordTentacleRape: Never have we put nude women into any of our games.
KingHorseFondler69: Really? Well then what do you say about this?
LordTentacleRape: She is not naked.
KingHorseFondler69: Uh, yes she is!
LordTentacleRape: No she is not. She is wearing a golden bathing suit. It’s just hard to see because it blends in with her skin color.
KingHorseFondler69: It’s hard to see because it’s so small! And why is she in that pose? What’s she doing?
KingHorseFondler69: Oh, she’s thinking, eh? Well what’s this girl doing then?
- Say “Hello” to Hubba Hubba WaWawaWaWA! 😀
LordTentacleRape: Okay, listen mister horse rapist. You are claiming that we use women in our games as sex objects first. And….you are mostly correct.
LordTentacleRape: But you must see, we do this because that is what our audience wants. Most core fighting gamers like seeing women like this because, well, most fighting game fans are heterosexual boys and men, and most of them like seeing healthy, pert, young women with huge honkers and schoolgirl faces.
KingHorseFondler69: No, I’m pretty sure this is just a typical Japanese, sexist, male thing.
LordTentacleRape: Oh, racism now! Stupid. Well, you western men, you so-called “sensitive feminists,” guess what; you are no different!
KingHorseFondler69: Yes we are.
LordTentacleRape: No you are not. If you were, then how do you explain this?
KingHorseFondler69: Um. There’s very good context for that.
LordTentacleRape: Yes, I bet there is.
KingHorseFondler69: No seriously! There is! Like, she’s a seductress, and she’s wearing that ‘cause she’s a prisoner.